It's been 13 years today since we said our I do's, and it's been nearly 15 years since God brought us together. I am so thankful to be in a marriage that I truly find to be enjoyable and a great blessing. This morning, God reminded me of some things about this blessing.
God brought us to this Promised Land. He ordained the journey from the get-go. Nearly 15 years ago I poured out my heart to Abba about how I was ready to meet the man I'd marry and how I knew He would only bring me good gifts as my Daddy so I wasn't afraid to pray that to Him. I boldly asked Him to bring me that good gift in the next two weeks. He went above and beyond, and Philip emailed me 3 days later. Much later, I discovered that Philip's email was prompted by a dream he'd had that I needed him. We've been pretty much inseparable from that moment on. However, our relationship has been anything but smooth and easy.
There have been times when I've cried out to God, "I know this is good. You only give good gifts, but this is so hard right now! Help!" We're in a beautiful, enjoyable part of our relationship right now, but it isn't because of our goodness or relationship skills. It is purely through the steadfast love and faithfulness of God that we are here. Much like the Israelites in the desert, we have rebelled. I went back on my word as I handed Philip back his ring at one point and began to walk out the door. He's broken my heart, and I've recoiled in pain. We've both said and done things that we'd be ashamed to watch in re-play. No, we are not here because of our loving faithfulness. We are here because of God's loving faithfulness to us, and I am so grateful for that!
Even during the rocky patches, God was ever faithful. He was disciplining and sanctifying us. "Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you." (Deuteronomy 8:5) Through our marriage, we have learned long-suffering; we have learned to extend grace more freely and fully; we have learned to follow God's guidance even when it has required us to set aside our own ambitions. The big sacrifices, the hard choices, the setting aside of self have all been much like the refinement process: heated, repeated, and resulting in a better end product.
We are only just 13 years into our marriage, and I hope that the best is yet to come. However, I feel today like I have been brought into a Promised Land of marriage. It is tempting to think on all the good times and successes today only and to dream of a future of promise. However, I think I'll heed the warning Moses gave to the Israelites before they possessed the Promised Land. "Know, therefore, that the Lord your God is not giving you this good land to possess because of your righteousness, for you are a stubborn people." (Deuteronomy 9:6) He then went on to remind the people of their many failings and rebellions and God's steadfast faithfulness and righteousness. It it tempting to re-write history in our minds, to remember us the way we wish we would have been, and to pat ourselves on the back for a job well done. I'm going to reject that today, not because I want to wallow in self-pity or condemnation but because I want to give praise and honor where it is due. God has been faithful. God has brought good things out of our marriage. God has made this marriage a blessing to both of us.
I don't know what the future holds. I don't know how much will be filled with joy and how much will be filled with heart-break. I do know this though:
God brought us to this Promised Land. He ordained the journey from the get-go. Nearly 15 years ago I poured out my heart to Abba about how I was ready to meet the man I'd marry and how I knew He would only bring me good gifts as my Daddy so I wasn't afraid to pray that to Him. I boldly asked Him to bring me that good gift in the next two weeks. He went above and beyond, and Philip emailed me 3 days later. Much later, I discovered that Philip's email was prompted by a dream he'd had that I needed him. We've been pretty much inseparable from that moment on. However, our relationship has been anything but smooth and easy.
There have been times when I've cried out to God, "I know this is good. You only give good gifts, but this is so hard right now! Help!" We're in a beautiful, enjoyable part of our relationship right now, but it isn't because of our goodness or relationship skills. It is purely through the steadfast love and faithfulness of God that we are here. Much like the Israelites in the desert, we have rebelled. I went back on my word as I handed Philip back his ring at one point and began to walk out the door. He's broken my heart, and I've recoiled in pain. We've both said and done things that we'd be ashamed to watch in re-play. No, we are not here because of our loving faithfulness. We are here because of God's loving faithfulness to us, and I am so grateful for that!
Even during the rocky patches, God was ever faithful. He was disciplining and sanctifying us. "Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you." (Deuteronomy 8:5) Through our marriage, we have learned long-suffering; we have learned to extend grace more freely and fully; we have learned to follow God's guidance even when it has required us to set aside our own ambitions. The big sacrifices, the hard choices, the setting aside of self have all been much like the refinement process: heated, repeated, and resulting in a better end product.
We are only just 13 years into our marriage, and I hope that the best is yet to come. However, I feel today like I have been brought into a Promised Land of marriage. It is tempting to think on all the good times and successes today only and to dream of a future of promise. However, I think I'll heed the warning Moses gave to the Israelites before they possessed the Promised Land. "Know, therefore, that the Lord your God is not giving you this good land to possess because of your righteousness, for you are a stubborn people." (Deuteronomy 9:6) He then went on to remind the people of their many failings and rebellions and God's steadfast faithfulness and righteousness. It it tempting to re-write history in our minds, to remember us the way we wish we would have been, and to pat ourselves on the back for a job well done. I'm going to reject that today, not because I want to wallow in self-pity or condemnation but because I want to give praise and honor where it is due. God has been faithful. God has brought good things out of our marriage. God has made this marriage a blessing to both of us.
I don't know what the future holds. I don't know how much will be filled with joy and how much will be filled with heart-break. I do know this though:
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures. James 1:17-18God is faithful. He has given us this good gift of marriage to each other. I hope and pray that any goodness in our marriage will give God glory as a message of hope and of God's faithfulness to others. The theme of our wedding 13 years ago was faithfulness, and even then, we didn't mean our own faithfulness. God's faithfulness is something we have born witness to time and time again, and I pray that we sing the song together for as long as we both have breath.
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