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Out of the trap and into...?

God freed me from some of my internal traps through Phiippians 3, but I was still left with a big question.  If I'm not supposed to focus on being perfect at the plethora of things I could try to be perfect at, what should I be focusing on?  Fortunately, God was ready with an answer before I'd even realized I needed to ask the question, so He gave me a focus to address my energies toward in Philippians 4.  I turned it into a "to-do" list, and wrote it on my forearm to help me remember. Here is my simplified to-do list:

1) Rejoice.

2) Be gentle.

3) Pray with thanksgiving.

I decided those would be my primary focus for the next day, and I've been trying to work on them for the days since. I knew that this was not a new list of things to try to be perfect at, but they were clear ways for me to fix my eyes on Jesus as I persevered on the path He's marked out for me.  I've already seen some benefits come from focusing on Jesus in these three ways.

The first thing I noticed was what a difference gentleness made to our morning routine. I am NOT a morning person. I am generally just focused on whatever tasks need to be done and not willing to be social while I'm getting those tasks done. On school days, I've been annoyed by Melody not being a morning person either. Every morning for months, she would come down and whimper and fuss about being cold the entire time I was getting her dressed and ready for school. I'm sure I've responded with annoyance in my voice to her many times over this. On Wednesday though, with my new to-do list written on my forearm, I was challenged to be gentle. I started singing good morning songs to her, and she immediately stopped fussing and even ended up smiling and giggling. Gentleness made such a difference!

Rejoice. I found rejoicing to be a smidge more challenging than I expected as I woke up Wednesday morning with a rough allergic reaction that was making me itchy and swollen, and the reaction worsened as the day went on. I'd intended to have a sort of praise dance party that day with my girls, but I didn't feel up to dancing around. Instead, I sang songs to God in my head at odd times throughout the day when I was reminded to rejoice. It didn't seem really sufficient to me, but it was about the best I could muster with an anti-histamine haze and a swollen face. Apparently, it made more of an impact than I thought because that night I ended up singing one of the praise songs in my dreams even!

Pray with thanksgiving. This one has been pretty helpful while dealing with one of the weirdest allergic rashes I've ever had. It's pretty easy for me to be just plain grouchy while not feeling well, and I'll admit that I was still feeling grouchy and despondent here and there (particularly as I was trying to avoid any food that might have triggered the reaction...which left me with only rice and toast to eat). However, praying with thanksgiving did help me not to slip too far into the "woe is me" mode that I was tempted toward.

This whole experience has also helped me to realize how important it is to rejoice, to be gentle, and to pray with thanksgiving not just when I feel like it, but especially when I don't feel like it. I imagine that I'll be feeling pretty out of my comfort-zone in Uganda. There's a pretty high chance that I won't be feeling 100% physically well the whole time I'm there either. I'm going to continue to try to focus on these 3 things over the next couple months to try to have them become more of a habit for me. Feel free to keep me accountable on these!

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