This journal entry references some highs and lows with teammates. I've excluded the names and a few details as my intent is not to gossip. However, I thought it was important to share the reality of my struggles in this area too. Before we left on this trip, we were told often that there would be challenges to our team unity on this trip and that we needed to be sensitive in how we handled these challenges and attacks. I had to lean hard on God in trusting that He designed this team specifically, that He knew where each of us were on our journeys with Him, that His grace would be sufficient as His power is made perfect in weakness, and that we were meant to build each other up in Him. One of my biggest takeaways on this trip was that God is bigger and His love is deeper than anything or anyone that I can encounter or imagine. I can truly cast my cares upon Him.
June 21, 2013 10:52pm
Today started well enough with a quiet time and getting ready for the day. I realized as I read my Bible that the children at Kamp needed my travel Bible more than I did, and I wanted to give it to be used there. I asked our team leader if I could offer it to Nathalie to take to Kamp, and she agreed to ask Nathalie about it.
As I continued the day, I arrived at a team meeting to learn the songs we'd sing at HomeComing today. I was dismayed to discover that we were doing an unusual upbeat remix type of "If You're Happy and You Know It" instead of the normal one. I felt strongly that it was the wrong choice. It was a fun song, but we were already doing 2 other new songs and no familiar songs now. The kids needed the chance not just to dance, learn new songs, and have fun, but to actually praise Jesus with us. They'd benefit from having 1 song they already knew, and I knew from my time at Kamp yesterday that the kids would likely know "If You're Happy and You Know It." My suggestion was disregarded though, and I struggled with my frustration.
After running errands and eating lunch, we returned to Central Inn, and I found that I was even more frustrated about the song situation. I didn't have the authority to do anything about it though, and I didn't want to bring conflict into the team, so I prayed for grace. I prayed that God would still work mightily in the program we'd be doing for the kids.
We arrived at Foodstep's HomeComing around 1:40pm. It worked better for them that we come after lunch, and some kids were still finishing up lunch when we arrived. A (the boy to whom I had taught tic-tac-toe two days previously) quickly spotted me, and we went off together. Early in our time together, he asked if I'd be back the next day too. I had to tell him that no, I'd be in Jinja the next day. I showed him Jinja and Entebbe on a nearby map to help illustrate. We then stayed looking at the map together for quite a while. He pointed to the farthest away region in Uganda and told me that if I were there even, he'd come to me. He enjoyed making up stories of dangerous fish and crocodiles in Lake Victoria and then laughing and proclaiming "I lied!" He pointed to Lake Albert on the map and asked me what it was. I read the name to him and told him that I could read that name well because my dad's name is "Bert." He smiled and proclaimed that he would remember that and think of me every time he saw Lake Albert on the map. Rebekah later pointed out what a sweet gift from God that was because just yesterday I'd thought that none of the kids I'd spent time with here would remember me.
We also spent some time drawing together. He drew a few animals for me and then started drawing angels. He asked me to draw something too. (I imagine everyone who knows me well is now laughing as they think about my extremely inadequate drawing skills!) I asked him if he'd like me to draw a house. He said he would, so I drew "my house" for him. Yes, it was a square with a triangle on top. A was delighted with it though. He took the paper back from me and started drawing above the house. What he added then delighted me. He drew an angel holding a Bible over my house. Here is our combined drawing:
As if all of that weren't enough to capture my heart, A and I then spent the rest of our time together on spelling puzzles that his teacher/tutor had brought and assigned to him. One of his spelling words was "duck," and I asked him if he knew any songs about ducks. He started singing a song about 10 ducks, and I quickly realized, much to my surprise, that he was singing a variation of "Five Little Ducks"! I told him I knew that song too, but my version only had 5 ducks. I sang it for him as I have done countless times with kids on the job and with my own kids at home. This was Lily Beth's favorite song as a toddler. I think of her every time I sing it, and now it would connect me to this boy in Africa too. I loved sharing that with him, and I really enjoyed doing the spelling tasks with him. As I looked around and saw many others working with kids on handwriting tasks, I was once again grateful for the perfect specificity of the work God had given me to do that day. I'm not fond of working on handwriting, but I love teaching language skills. How I enjoyed that spelling time with A!
Eventually, it was time for us to move on to other things. I played catch with 3 of the littler ones (all 3 at the same time with 3 different balls for a while!). I got to talk to 2 of my wonderful teammates, and Nathalie accepted the gift of my travel Bible. An older girl (F.) was there when I offered my Bible to Nathalie, and it turns out that F's Bible had been taken, so Nathalie gave her this one. F hugged me in thanks, and I started thinking of other ways to get more Bibles into Kamp. Our team leader allowed me to ask about it, and I found out that ideally Nathalie would like 10 more Bibles for a Bible study group of 25 that meets at Kamp once a week and shares 5 Bibles. She said Bibles were heavy for people to send or bring over though, so I asked how much they cost in Uganda. Only 15000 shillings! That's just $6 USD! I felt pretty sure that $60 was doable. I considered just giving her $60 myself, but I realized teammates might be blessed by giving too. I took out of my own cash only what I felt was the right amount for me to give, rather than the whole sum, and then I mentioned what I was doing to a few teammates that I happened by after our team leader let me know that we could do this. Right before we left, I handed Nathalie about 130,000 shillings to buy some Bibles from the 4 of us that contributed.
Before all that though, we had our Bible story and praise time with the kids. I was grateful to see the kids enjoying the songs, and I was thankful to God that I think He made a way for each song to work okay. It doesn't matter now what might have been better. His grace is sufficient, and I follow Him.
I enjoyed helping lead the kids in the songs and especially to see A's big smile and bright eyes when we sang and danced along. Well, maybe there was a bit more singing from me and dancing from him!
Tonight had a really hard, rough time of grief during our nightly debriefing. One of our teammates was mourning a loss. After several of us prayed over this teammate, I returned to my room and sobbed. I knew the grief was so deep and true. God has amazing timing in all things though, and sent this teammate a message of good news that she had been waiting for right in the midst of this grief. Some peace came with that glimmer of hope and joy.
God, You are so good, and I am so tired. Please give me the rest I need tonight for whatever You have in store for me tomorrow.
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